SAMMIE THE SNORKIE-MY PROTECTOR

Hello Everyone

We all know how great our dogs are protecting their human family and the home. Sammie is no exception. She thinks she owns the entire block we live on. Doesn't matter to her....cats, other dogs, squirrels and humans, in her mind they don't belong on her street and they all need to leave. 

While talking to a friend the other day, she told me her husband bought her a stun gun for her to carry around in her purse when she is out and about. This thing had 100,000 volts! She said I should get one, it was comforting having this thing in your purse, you would always feel safe.

So I bought one, sat on my recliner and proceeded to read the instructions. Of course Sammie The Snorkie was right there on my lap probably thinking this isn't going to end well. 

The gun runs on two AAA batteries, so how much can this thing hurt? According to the instructions, a one second burst would disorient the bad guy, two second burst would cause muscle spasms and three second burst would cause the attacker to flop around like a tuna.

I had to try it to make sure it would work cause there is no possible way two AAA batteries could cause that much pain, right? So here I am all alone and Sammie looking at me almost saying, "Don't do it weirdo".  I decided to just give myself a one second pop, how much harm could that do?

I touched the prongs to my thigh, pushed the button, and... HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!! I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the back door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.

I barely recall waking up in the fetal position, soaking wet with my thigh tingling like there was no tomorrow. Poor Sammie was clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. My sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

Well, at least now I know it works......