SAMMIE THE SNORKIE-CHILI COOK-OFF

Hello Everyone

Sammie and I like to go for a walk every once in a while to our local park. They have palm trees lining the streets, ponds for the ducks, swans etc. Just an all around nice place to enjoy the outdoors.

So Sam and I decided to take advantage of a nice Fall day and head on down to the park. 

While walking around I noticed they were having a chili cook-off starting in about 15 minutes. I love chili, not the real spicy kind however. Standing there soaking in the wonderful smells I was approached by an elderly gentleman asking about Sammie, what kind of dog she was, how old...the usual stuff. Then he said he was one of 3 judges of the contest and just found out that the 2nd one has called in sick. Long story short, he asked if I would fill in and help judge the contest. I said sure...worse decision I made in a very long time.

Walked up to the first booth and get a taste: "What the heck is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two bottles of water to put out the flames. I hope that's the worst one."

Second booth: "Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more bottles of water when they saw the look on my face."

Third booth: "Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more water before I ignite. One of the judges pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest." 

Fourth booth: "My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage." 

Fifth booth: " My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I pooped on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair! Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone."

Sixth booth: "You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye. I've decided to stop breathing; it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach."

Sammie The Snorkie found some Chili on the ground and before I could stop here she ate it...all of it.

I couldn't take any more. Poor Sammie was now sharing in my 'distress'. Not sure how we made it home, but I do remember heading straight for the Pepto Bismo on my way to the bathroom.....

The hubby insisted Sammie and I sleep in another room, on the far end of the house...with the door closed. Sigh.